What Does Your Car Say About You?

Buick Park Avenue: I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Deville: I am a very good Mary Kay Salesperson
Chevrolet Camaro: I enjoy beating up people
Chevrolet Cavalier coupe: I start 11th grade in the fall
Chevrolet Chevette: I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'vette.
Chevrolet Corvette: I am having a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino: I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Datsun 280Z: I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Aries: I teach third grade special education and I voted for George Bush
Dodge Durango: I will not be caught dead in a Ford Explorer
Dodge Neon: I cannot stand the Macarena
Ford Crown Victoria: I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them
Ford Explorer: I will not be caught dead in a minivan
Ford Mustang 5.0: I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Mustang 2.3: I avoid Yugos and VW microbuses at the stoplights
Ford Tempo: I teach fourth grade special education and I voted for Bill Clinton
Honda Civic: I just graduated and have no credit at all
Honda Accord: I lack originality and am basically a lemming
Hyundai Accent: I delivered pizza for years in order to get this car
Infiniti Q45: I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending
Jaguar XJS V-12: I am so rich I will pay $60,000.00 for a car that is in the shop 280 days of the year
Lexus LS400: I am the lawyer suing the owner of the Infiniti Q45
Lincoln Navigator: I don't bother comparing gas prices
Lincoln Town Car: I live for bingo and covered supper dishes
Mercury Grand Marquis: I live for bridge and covered supper dishes
Mercedes 600SL: I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
Mercedes 600SEL: I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Biff
Mazda Miata: I am on my third divorce and/or midlife crisis. Also, I couldn't afford the Porsche or BMW
MGB: I am dating a mechanic
Nissan Altima: I don't know what it means, either
Nissan 300ZX: I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings
Oldsmobile Cutlass: I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts
Oldsmobile Cutlass Cruiser: I get carsick driving minivans
Oldsmobile Delta 88 Diesel: I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Neon: I enjoy the Macarena
Pontiac Trans Am: I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 928: I am dating big-haired women who would otherwise be inaccessable to me
Range Rover: I do not care about J.D. Powers or his surveys
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow: I think Maggie Thatcher is a touch too Whig for me
Saturn SL1: I hope someday to make it to a gathering in Spring Hill
Saturn SL2: I made it to a gathering in Spring Hill
Volkswagen Beetle: I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagen Jetta: I enjoy putting out engine fires
Volkswagen Microbus: I am tripping right now
Volkswagen New Beetle: I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volvo 740 Wagon: I am afraid of my wife